There's No Accounting for Taste

From Huggy Bear, the boys learn that Monty was a circus geek with a fondness for chicken heads who is now a seedy hotel entrepreneur with a peanut fetish. However, Monty’s still loyal to his big house husband, and Starsky and Hutch nearly get killed by Bo, who’s been busily planting evidence in Konig’s room. As Hutch hasn’t taken his vitamins yet, Bo outruns them yet again. An unrepentant Monty treats Hutch to “a discourse in jungle law,” which the boys return in spades, complete with Hutch (AKA Ollie) making the slitting throat gesture. 

The Dynamic Duo then head over to Herman’s Haberdashery and Lost and Found, or so the proprietor claims when Starsky discovers stolen electronics along with a nice double-breasted gray flannel suit. In exchange for leniency, Herman sends the boys in the right direction, Lola and Bo’s Bail Bonds & Shooting Gallery. When the baddies deny everything, Hutch’s baby blues start flashing, and Bo gets first-hand experience of Minnesota’s Wrestle-mania champ. Good thing Starsky knows how to defuse his partner by reassuring him his eyes are “be-you-tiful” when he’s angry, smacking him on the head, and running for the Torino.

Foolishly, Lola and Bo stay the course, robbing and torching an electronics warehouse. They then get Monty the Geek to send Starsky and Hutch to meet ‘Konig’ at one of Bay City’s Construction and Ambush Yards, so a concealed Bo can take pot shots at their lovely arses. Hutch’s all fruit diet must be playing havoc with both of their reflexes because despite cool flat-bed truck action, the bad guy gets away again. When they return to bitch slap Monty, they’re too late to give him anything other than Starsky’s moving eulogy “no more peanuts for him.” But Monty’s isn’t the only surprise dead body, because Jerry Konig’s two day old naked corpse just turned up in the abandoned Ice Mission (bringing cool drinks and Christianity to the underprivileged until 1970).

There Ought'a be a Law!

Unluckily for Lola and Bo, Bay City’s finest are on the night shift, raising the intriguing question of what they did to tick off Dobey.  Sadly, Starsky’s bid for “a law that people can only commit crimes during the daylight hours” has been held up in Congress. Our boys are called to the scene of the first Konig-style arson / burglary where they discover Officer Jim Nedloe’s been shot.  Because apparently, the law that any friend of our boys has the half-life of a Star Trek Red Shirt was passed. In the hospital, Dobey rants about cops getting shot “by some turkey with fifteen priors that the courts cut loose on the street.” Hutch agrees and observes that instead of another day, another dollar, it’s become another day, another dead cop. This exchange shows that, as early as season one, our boys are questioning their choice in careers, and also that, at 365 dead cops a year, Bay City truly is an urban jungle.

While Officer Jim tries to beat the odds, Starsky and Hutch try to track down their main suspect Konig at his girlfriend’s place of employ, The Jungle Club. Ah, the tough, gritty life of a 70s cop -- forced to endure the tacky tiki torch atmosphere and stare at scantily-clad ladies dancing in cages. Hutch, in particular, finds it impossible to tear his eyes away from the horrible spectacle of a leopard-skinned go-go dancer, but Starsky blows in his ear, reminding Hutch of their forthcoming threesome with Abby in Zebra print underwear.

You Promised Me Steak and Potatoes!

Nonetheless, it doesn’t take Starsky and Hutch long to figure out who had the most to gain by having Konig presumed alive and kicking. Sadly, Lola and Bo are already into their end game, sending Denise the Dip to Durson’s Paint Factory & Body Dump. Even more nefarious, they convince sweet, mentally-challenged Eddie Hoyle, friend of Starpy and Hup, to don Konig’s old clothes in order to play “burnt to a crisp” with Denise. Fortunately, Starsky and Hutch corner Lola who is only too happy to sell Bo down the river, and they abandon her to arrange her own bail bond while they ride off to the rescue. Just in time, the boys arrive at the warehouse, and Starsky takes Bo for a trip down the stairs, right into a shelving unit of uncovered paint cans. Hutch then literally leaps into the fray, flashing both his tummy and abs at the fangirls, and subdues the bad guy. Happily, Starpy and Hup have saved both the grateful Eddie and the helpless white woman, but if that’s oil-based paint, Starsky’s clothes are goners.

It’s a shame about that missing scene where Hutch has to bathe him…  Rebel thought it should be tender loving bathing, but EH wants him to get all manly-rough with the loofah sponge.  Rebel doesn’t want to think where that might go – the sponge or the scene.

The episode ends with Friday night dinner at Hutch’s place, a disappointing repast for Starsky who was promised steak and potatoes instead of the pineapple yogurt, trail mix, and tomato salad he’s been served. When Starsky makes it clear that his stomach is more important than his partner’s girl’s feelings, Hutch tries to save the evening by explaining that eating this kind of food maintains his and Abby’s “normal physical potential” during their two day fast. Abby interrupts Starsky’s rude comment and ruder gesture by bringing on dessert, a health drink loaded with sea kelp, desiccated liver, and a triple dose of Vitamin E. When Abby asks why Starsky is not drinking this goat’s milk ambrosia, Hutch reminds his friend of the benefits experienced the last time he was conned into drinking it. This is either a reference to Pariah or Flamingo’s Goat’s Milk Delux. Starsky looks scandalized at the idea of realizing his full physical potential before going to work, so Hutch asks for his dessert. Starsky agrees, but only on the condition that his partner stays “where I can keep an eye on you.” With a lovely double take from Hutch, season one fades to black, but our imaginations stay brightly lit.

Good Questions to Ask Yourself

Bo clearly has the hots for Lola.  What’s the attraction?  Does it have anything to do with all the liquor bottles in the office’s kitchen?

Hutch is clearly flirting with the leopard-skinned blonde in the Jungle Club.  What does this say about his relationship with Abby?  Or for that matter, the real reason Vanessa dumped him?

Abby and Hutch have planned their last meal before embarking on a two-day, highly-sexed fast.  Why would Hutch lie, just to get Starsky to attend?  Just what uses was he planning to put his partner to afterwards?  Once again, the question of why Vanessa really dumped his blond butt arises.  Along with certain other possibilities.