The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name

An Illustrated Starsky and Hutch Romance

In Which the Part of Hutch will be played by Merlin Arthur Toast (a well-known performer in several off-Broadway musicals) and the Part of Starsky will be played by Maggie in her first cross-gender role.

Doug and Bob are metropolitan policemen with a difference. Doug likes nothing more than slipping into little cocktail frocks, while Bob bouffants his hair for a night on duty...

Oops, wrong show!

Right, here we have Starsky and Hutch, two metropolitan policemen with a different difference.

Starsky (the one with the naturally curly, never bouffant-ed hair) has recently discovered that his feelings for his partner aren't strictly brotherly in nature. Hutch, for his part, has been experiencing free floating anxiety that he thinks might have something to do with the way his partner has been looking at him lately.

Hutch's initial reaction is disbelief. He'd known that something was bothering Starsky, but he'd thought it was a bit of undigested hamburger.

"How can I possibly love you? You steal my food, you never stop yapping, and you eat garbage... Oh no, don't start crying."

*sob*

"I'm not going to apologize!"

One night, after indulging in a few more beers than he should have, Starsky can't restrain himself any longer. Without warning, he suddenly lunges at Hutch.

"Starsky!?"

"I love you Hutch!"

"Gah."

"No, I mean it, I really love you! Do you love me?"

"Starsky, what will your mother say?"

Starsky checks under the couch. "She's not here somewhere, is she?"

But then Starsky begins licking Hutch's ear, and he discovers that he likes it. A lot.

"Oh hell... I'm sorry I was mean. I love you, too."

"We're best friends, Hutch! What's a few kisses between best friends?"

"A little less slobber might be nice..."

Unfortunately, what Hutch hadn't realized was that Starsky likes to be on top. Every single time.

"Hutch, don't leave me!"

And that he likes doing it in a variety of places, such as the backseat of Hutch's car, Dobey's kitchen floor...

"I can't stay mad at you. Kiss me, meathead!"

Tragically, they were fighting again within fifteen minutes. Their affair was a tempestuous one, breaking all of society's rules, but their love bound them together with unbreakable chains of passion.

And then Starsky discovered his shiny red leather fetish...

This has been a Rebelcat production. No animals were harmed in the making of this story, and all activities were consensual in nature.