Truth

Starsky

I heard him say it.

He thought I wouldn’t – too far gone, too messed up.  But I heard him.

“Bravest man I know…”

I wanted to set him straight on that.  I would have, too, if I wasn’t strapped to a gurney fighting to breathe, never mind speak.

Fucked up.

And drooling.  Aw, hell.  I can’t swallow, I can’t… 

A shadow moves across my line of vision, edges blurring, shifting…  Too fast.  Never mind, I know it’s him.

He wipes my face, before tucking the sheet under my chin.  That’s real friendship for ya.  He knows I don’t want to die drooling like some kind’a…  I focus on his face.  His eyes are red, and I think maybe he’s been crying.

He says, “Why’d you do it?”

They’re pulling him away.  It’s okay, ‘cause I haven’t got it in me to tell him the truth anyway.

I had two choices on that roof.  Him or me.  And, for me, that wasn’t any kind of choice at all.  Because I’m not strong enough to face living – or dying – without him.

The bravest man he’s ever known?

It’ll make a pretty line on my gravestone.  But the truth is…

I’m a coward.

~end~