BCPD Public Service Announcement

For the edification of the public, and in the service of our fandom, we (being Rebelcat and Elizabeth Helena) do herein present our guide to
Bay City's sexscape.

Here come the fangirls! Run!

RC: Now, for those of you involved in other fandoms…

EH: There are other fandoms?

RC: Oh yeah, says DS9’s Angel of Death! Anyway, you will be aware of the practice of combining character names like Kirk and Spock, to create Spirk! Which I still think sounds like a side effect of the flu.

EH: Or the science fiction version of santorum!

RC: Ahem. Just because our fandom skews older than others doesn’t mean we can’t merge our favorite OTP’s names, too!

EH: In fact considering certain T-shirts, one could argue that they were the root of it all.

RC: Although I’d rather blame Star Trek.

EH: No, no! It’s video games – is there any evil they’re not responsible for?

RC: But, I’m actually rather fond of my Starsky and Hutch driving game. Every time I run over a pedestrian my ratings go down, but they go up when I hit newspaper stands and shoot out street lights!

EH: Need I say any more?

RC: Therefore, as a public service, Rebelcat and Elizabeth Helena…

EH: AKA Rebelena

RC: Yep. That beats Hebel any day! But as I was saying, we have put together this helpful list for future headers.

EH: No, no! Thank you.

RC: For the Slashers...

Don't give up on us, Bay-bee!


EH: As the t-shirts taught us, when Starsky’s on top, they are Starch.

RC: And when Hutch is on top, they become Husky. It’s canon!

EH: However, as Gundam Wing has taught us, S=H (as opposed to that nasty oppressive slashing) becomes Sutchsky.

RC: As long as they don’t end up Stuck-sky!

EH: That could be painful...

RC: Or even Harstch!

EH: As I said painful. And embarrassing.

RC: A million to one shot, doc! A million to one!

Starsky... I think he's flirting with me! Hit him again!

Other Bay City M/M

EH: No! Say it's not so!

RC: Hutch/Dobey! Mwah, ha, ha!

EH: Dear gods.

RC: Hey, the Captain loves his blonds! Henceforth, H/D is Hubbey.

EH: But I always thought Starsky's the Captain's pet.

RC: Okay, then Starsky/Dobey is Starbey.

EH: Oh yeah? Two can play this game. Starsky/Huggy is Hugsky!

RC: And Hutch/Huggy becomes... er, damn.

EH: Right. It's either Huggy or Hutch. Must be canon.

RC: Could be HuHu?

EH: Ah yes, the lesser known and actually gay Teletubby!

RC: Or... how about Hutbear? That sounds cuddly.

EH: Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Dobey/Huggy slash becomes Doggy.

RC: Their favorite pastime, too!

EH: Don't. Want. To. Know.

RC: And Huggy/Turquet is Tuggy. Which also happens to be their--

EH: Shut up! Shut up!

RC: Whereas Starsky/Simonetti is...

EH: Wrong, wrong, wrong.

RC: True! But Simsky is kinda cute.

EH: Hutch/Simonetti is equally wrong and Humonetti isn't cute enough to pull it off.

RC: But on the other hand, Dryden/Simonetti is Drynetti. Which sounds like a cleaning product!

EH: I heard after they left IA, they went into infomercials.

RC: They'll clean your clothes like they cleaned up BCPD!

EH: Never using that product!

RC: Yeah, ew...

EH: Moving right along! For the Genners...

Personal space is something other people have!


EH: Starsky/Nancy is Nansky.

RC: And Starsky/Helen Davisson is Helsky.

EH: Man, bad enough she only got to be a body in the bushes.

RC: But she sounds so adorably...

EH: Dead?

RC: No, I was going to say, like a Valkerie!

EH: Oh, cause they’re so cute!

RC: Are they alive?

EH: About as alive as any of their other galpals. Speaking of which, Starsky/Terry is Starry!

RC: Awwwww!

EH: And Starsky/Minnie becomes Minsky.

RC: Sounds like they should be in a Napoleon Solo/Illya Kuryakin fic.

EH: You leave Nalya alone! Or I’ll attack Bodie/Doyle.

RC: Not, Boyle!

EH: Dodie!

RC: I’ll be good! I promise!

Yeah, I like Hitchcock films. Why?


RC: Hutch/Gillian is obviously Gilch.

EH: Obviously! And Hutch/Vanessa is Hutessa.

RC: O-kay. Hutch/Diana Harmon is Ditch.

EH: Well if that wasn’t prophetic.

RC: Hutch/Anna Akhanatova becomes Hutova.

EH: Because Hanna would be way too pedestrian for hot snowflake sex.

RC: I’m not sure if you can have hot snowflakes...

EH: But I know what’s a hot button!

"No, Napasha! I can explain!" "Aflac!"


EH: No, no, no! We said we’d never do the love that dare not quack it’s name! I meant Starsky/Kira. Which is Kirsky.

RC: Right, because we all know about Illya and those London club ducks.

EH: Hey! It was swinging London! He was innocent victim of avian lowlifes! And you promised to be good!

RC: Okay, okay, Kirsky it is. Who’s obviously Minsky’s brother in law.

EH: Hutch/Kira is Kitch.

RC: One “s” away from kitsch!

EH: I’d say that’s prophetic, too. Starsky/Hutch/Kira is a mess…

RC: But also Kihusky!

EH: Is it very wrong that I now want to read Kihusky fic?

RC: Yes! Very wrong! And last but not least, there’s Suesky and Sutch.

EH: For those of us who cannot resist the temptation to inflict the absolutely perfect girl on our boys.

RC: I wanna be Suesky!

EH: I heard rumors you already were.

RC: No! Just because I have a big dog, and was in a real bank robbery, and got a killer twisty objet d’art for my wedding...

EH: And don’t forget you own four cats!

RC: Oh. Damn.

With Rebel's humiliation, we now conclude...

RC: No, Becky's not a Mary Sue! She's like totally shorter than me!

EH: Who happened to have your hair color and habit of walking large dogs in the morning.

RC: But!

...our BCPD public service announcement.

RC: Wait! I'm not Jewish!

EH: Like that matters! Starsky eats ham and cheese sandwiches.

Tune in next week for RC/EH Ham-ukkah cage match.
Winner gets to say whether Starsky's Jewish or not.

RC: And Hutch is totally Lutheran!

EH: But what we really want to know - is he circumcised?

The End!